I believe that:

1) Your friends enjoy being able to speak a language that “others” don’t understand. (Chinese people, like other ethnic groups from all corners of the earth, get used to thinking that those of different backgrounds don’t understand what they say. In essence they feel they have a secret language, which can be advantageous in various circumstances. I have heard Chinese people say the most private things when surrounded by non East Asians. I have also witnessed them make rude comments in public, often discussing other people that are walking/standing right beside them. In business meetings/negotiations, whilst talking amongst themselves they have accidentally shared “secret” information with me, not knowing that I speak Mandarin. I for one don’t like to advertise my language skills before I have gotten to know someone to an acceptable degree.)

2) Your friends might have a superiority complex. (Many Chinese believe that they are intellectually superior to other ethnic groups. Many also falsely believe that they are more educated, cultured and flexible in their approach to life’s challenges. The fact that they speak “your” language and you don’t speak “their” language may tend to solidify this complex. If however you learned to speak fluent Mandarin and better understood relevant cultural beliefs, history, philosophies, etc then you will also be able to identify their strengths and as well as their weaknesses. Some people feel compromised when you know what they consider insider information. Unfortunately, you being a Caucasian will generally make you an outsider in the mind of the average East Asian person.)

3) Your friends may also have an inferiority complex. Many Chinese men are insecure in matters relating to sexuality, especially when this subject matter is interpreted in light of international stereotypes. (In East Asia, a substantial proportion of the female population is attracted to foreign men, mostly those of European descent. Walk around the streets of Shanghai and you’ll find a dominant number of advertisements featuring Italian, Spanish, French, German and Slavic models. Go to a nightclub and you’ll find that handsome Caucasian men are considered prized stallions in the eyes of Eastern women. Furthermore, intelligent and attractive Caucasian men who speak Chinese are considered a one in a million catch…)

Perhaps now you understand why your friends may not stimulate you to learn more about their culture and language. That said, perhaps it isn’t because they are not your friends, but because they are unable to overcome their unfounded inertial complexes and hence negatively acculturated insecurities. Don’t worry in time you’ll know more about how they feel about you. Most important, once you learn Mandarin you will have the ability to make friends with many other Chinese people who you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet or know had you not learned the language. You’ll be able to penetrate deeper into the cultural and social fabric of the nation and thus better understand your current friends, your future friends and most importantly yourself. Remember, Chinese people are really not different from other people! Beneath the veil of culture they carry all the negative and positive attributes that are common to humankind.

I have also taken many cultural diversity classes and in my opinion people are happy when they see trying respect their culture by learning and understanding it. No one is going to get upset because your dialect is off or your butchering a few words. It is more disrespectful to be ignorant than educated.

Last but not least…when we moved to the states one of my Moms best friends in Washington State was Chinese. She used to come over a lot and my sister and I learned words here and there. I don’t believe she felt bad about us asking questions or learning a few words because she did the same to us.

Maybe your friends are just insecure because when they are speaking another language they just don’t want you to know what they are talking about. When my sister and I spoke German in front of other people here in the states my Mom would get so upset. So we stopped because it does disrespect others when they cant understand you.